These are the stories of teen pregnancy from those who’ve lived it – honest, real and importantly – in their own words.
I hope to gather stories from people on “all sides” of the situation, to help those who find themselves there in the future.
Everybody makes different decisions for different reasons, deeply personal and emotional choices which we cannot judge. I’ve tried to capture these stories in their own words, and their opinions are their own.
If you’d like to share your story with us – please let me know.
“It’s not a tragic cautionary tale of a Good Girl Gone Bad or even of Bad Girl Made Good… It’s just a little story of changes and adjustment, of love and destiny. It’s just my story. That should be good enough, I reckon.” - Tracy Engelbrecht
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Tracy’s Story : yup, that’s me
An extract from Chapter One of The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No:
1993: In which she tries to explain herself and widdles on her shoe
You’ll have figured out by now that I had my son when I was fifteen years old. Yep, that’s right. I was just a month shy of my fifteenth birthday when I found out I was pregnant. I was in grade nine and I had been – up until then, at least – A Good Girl. Quiet, reserved and painfully shy. No trouble at all to my teachers. Mostly invisible to my classmates. No real trouble to my family, although fourteen was a bad year for Mom and me. I’m sorry, Ma. I really am. I was difficult and obnoxious and sneered a lot. Much time was spent being what my mother called “awkward” and “otherwise”.
There are people who think they have the whole “tragic teenage pregnancy” thing figured out. They don’t. They don’t know squat, in fact, unless they’ve been there themselves.
So, what can I tell you? That my childhood was traumatic? That it’s all my parents’ fault? That they didn’t love me enough? Or loved me too much? That I was a wicked, wanton harlot throwing myself at anyone who’d have me? That I was an ignorant and naïve child, led astray by a bad older boy?
Sounds good, sounds like what you’d expect. Pick any of the above scenarios – we all have the makings of a juicy Virginia Andrews novel in there. Except, none of it’s true. Sorry folks. It just wasn’t like that.”
Advice from other moms
Maybe you think you’re different. Maybe you think you’re the only mom who’s ever been through this, or felt the way you do. Maybe it’s midnight and baby is crying and you don’t know why, maybe you’re scared and feel alone.
You’re not. There are people around you who want to help. If you don’t see them, if those who should be helping you are not, then look for someone else. Keep trying, until you find someone who will listen. You deserve that, and so do your children.
Young moms might face many different challenges to other moms, but our children are all the same. Regardless of how old mommy is, all babies cry the same, poop the same and all mommies worry the same. We all need the same encouragement and reassurance that we’re doing okay.
Here’s what some moms who’ve been there and done that, with the t-shirt – have to say. Maybe it will help you. If you have advice to share, please let me know.
My advice
Don’t underestimate yourself. You’re stronger than you think. Don’t underestimate your family. Don’t assume they don’t want to help. Don’t assume they won’t help if you ask. Ask. Part of taking responsibility as a parent is getting the help you need. Rest when you can. Don’t lose sight of the goal – of WHY you’re doing all this, working so hard, worrying so much. You’re doing it for yourself and your children – for love and for the future of your small family.
Lyndsay
Trust your instinct ALWAYS. The fact that you are young does not mean your intuition is wrong. YOU know what is best for baby, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
Carol
HOLD your head up and LOVE.
Look for those who are supportive, avoid those who put you down. (I worked almost ten years in a safe home for abused and neglected children) – most of the parents were not teens, they were older parents, people who lived a certain life style and thought they would give it up once they had a child but then found that difficult to do. I am not judging them either – some were able to get back to what they really wanted. A difficult road but not impossible, everyone needs support and love.
Lorien
I also think that having a strong support group/system/community is so NB. Don’t discount your parents. My mom and dad have been so amazing.
Remember to breathe!!
Karen
Listen to your gut feelings and natural instincts. When a baby is crying, there is something they are telling you. They are not “naughty”!
Wendi
Best advice I got was “Pick your battles” – decide what’s worth fighting for because you won’t win each and every battle. My kids are individuals and if my son is happy with his room being a chaotic mess, is it worth WW3 to get him to clean it up….I have learnt to let it go and when he had enough he comes to me and asks for me help…Decide whats REALLY important and focus on that.
Gina
Never be afraid to ask for or accept help! If someone offers you an hour to nap while they watch baby, take it. If no one has offered, ask!
YOU are important too and YOU need to be functioning at your best to give your baby the best!
Sharon
It does not matter what your age, when you have a baby YOU are a Mommy. Trust that you can do what you need to and don\’t think that it needs all the fancy gadgets and décor to make your baby happy.
Angel
Ask for help. No-one expects you to have all the answers.
